You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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