you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
