We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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