great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
