Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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