she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
