her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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