I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
