just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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