On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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