i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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