Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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