Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
