so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
