so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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