Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
