Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
