During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
