I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
