TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
