Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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