so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
