Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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