I'm pants shitting drunk right now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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