Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
