plz talk dirty to me
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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