hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
