Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am puke
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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