you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize