We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
