i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
