dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
