Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
