Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
