I hope mine doesn't look like that
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
