loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize