phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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