Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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