STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
