just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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