If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
