OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
