This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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