There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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