Just cropdusted the office
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
