tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
