In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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