Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
