there's paper in my vomit.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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