Only a mothe r could love this liver
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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