My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
