I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize