I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
