sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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