I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
