If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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