so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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