He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize