Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
