i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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