i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
