So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
