someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
