if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
