i already hear my dad disowning me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
