worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
