#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
