Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
