mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
