why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
