new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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