he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
