finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
