Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
