I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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