I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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