I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize