How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
