If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Welp...herpes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
