Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
