I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
