i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You're earring is so big in my mouth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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