It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
