I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
