We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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