the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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