idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
