you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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