time to smoke my breakfast
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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