I puked a lego.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
