Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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