His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
