even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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