the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
