I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
