Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
