how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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