Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
